What is this?
In 2004, I began playing the browser-based game Kingdom of Loathing. Kingdom of Loathing boasts a fantastic community of players that hang out in various chat channels. My “home channel” is /radio, a channel devoted to RKoL, the Kingdom’s official unofficial radio station. RKoL was run by and for players of the game. Unfortunately, RKoL closed in September 2019 due to dwindling listenership and game politics. The chat channel still remains, however.
Below are various quotes from the /radio chat, taken out of context for humour.
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Bam doubles up the Zyrtec Meh.
DrMotives: Zyrtec meh: For when your allegies are so bad, you just can’t even anymore
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Marine: bam you are the threesome in our hearts
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Marine: I gift you the air of true vikingness
Marine: Ancestors say that shit be tight
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Bam: I love most butts, wink wink, nudge nudge.
AiluroDragon: and you generally do not lie?
AiluroDragon: You other brothers are permitted to maintain plausible deniability only
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Stumpnugget: be an asshole in the place you’ll be happiest
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Bam: Quoth the raven.., wink wink, nudge nudge.
Bam: THAT IS NOT WHAT THE RAVEN SAID!
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Marine: but i can give official viking permission to dress like true dildo viking
Marine: heböör jaa whöö es deklaring wör ün the rajts uf dee vikinks?
Marine: i pass on you the title of vikink
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Stumpnugget: they wouldn’t let you on the plane cos you’re the bomb
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Bam: 00000000000000000000 00000000000000000000 00000000000000000000 00000, if you know what I mean.
Bam: .000…….0.
Bam: , if you know what I mean.
Dryhad: I don’t think I do know what you mean
Bam: Sorry. Kitty laid on the numpad.
JLE: Don’t worry, kitty said nothing 😛
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Bam squees
Bam: I is deputy web minister for the Shire. 😮
AiluroDragon: ???
Bam does Kermit arm flail
AiluroDragon: holy shit did you move to New Zealand -hic-
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Bam: HA!
Bam: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bam: “Much Cooler Weather Today for Clarksville”
Bam: Yesterday it was almost 60F. Today, there is snow on teh ground.
Bam: The high is 29F
Laureth: Ahh, I believe youhave our weather, kindly return it
Bam: I told it to go home because it was drunk.
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Bam: jgkkgzjoiukitijggugj ikhiujkjgihshhhigufj iugihgjkyughhghjuhbj g ugiouoigujgiuihhiure ftjkgvnuitvgtniv fjuioeuj
Merlenyn: o.O
Mod Announcement: gesundheit.
Bam: That would be Rose saying hi.
Merlenyn: lol
Bam: Hola Werebear. 🙂
…
Mod Warning: Rose has been banned from /radio chat (Hi Rose!)
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Kotharno: Personally, I have this thing for Little Caesar’s … am I right?
Bam v2: fuck Little Caeser’s.
Marine: Do not actually have sex with pizza
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sfwarlock: i think a lot of /radio would have to dig UP to hit gutter
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Criswell: Sister Bam wants to know, Where do I find food, and is it necessary to put on clothes to locate said food?
Chadomancer: According to most state and federal laws, clothing is required. But in the Book of Scant, did not the prophet McJake say “pants are overrated”?
Chadomancer: “And so Sistren Bam went into the closet, and saw that it was full. And the fullness of the closet rivalled the emptiness in her belly, and lo, she was overwhelm’ed.
Chadomancer: Then Sistren Bam decided to check the freezer one last time, with the hope, that all humans have, that the contents will have changed from the last time you opened the door.
Chadomancer: And lo, was Bam suprised when she did findeth there the package of cheddar brat corn dogs that were hiding behind miscellanious bags of frozen good.
Chadomancer: And there was much rejoicing.
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Bam: I bought a car. It eated my monies.
Jebbie: australia > car
Jebbie: just sayiiiingg
Jebbie: 😛
Jolson42: Australia is *much* bigger than a car
Bam: I agree but car = more practical than Australia. :p
Jolson42: Australia is bigger than *three* cars.
Bam: I can’t drive Autralia to school.
Bam: Australia, either.
Jolson42: not with that attitude
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Laureth: There IS sugar free cake, Pandawan
PandaPants: thats like dry humping….
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AiluroDragon: I wouldn’t recommend licking anything in Australia
AiluroDragon: Wait, no, that’s not right
Bam: I was going to say…
AiluroDragon: I wouldn’t recommend licking anything in Australia, except for certain Aussies.
AiluroDragon: But by no means all of them.
AiluroDragon: I mean no one should lick Tort
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Smerft: but yeah that was more confusing than trying to communicate during an orgy
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Pineapple of Despair: Yeah, the difference between [quantum mechanics] and magic is very subtle. You shine light on a molecule, it changes its energy state. You cast a spell on a molecule, it teleports over to your enemy’s house and punches him in the dick.
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Bam: They shall be punished by being eaten, if you know what I mean.
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TechRat: i can see bam wandering around the club… “whomsoever shall fit this cock ring is mine for the night”
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Bam: toys or “toys”, if you know what I mean?
Ipikak the Inebriated: Best. Crop. Ever.
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Bam: Tort, only if you pay me REALLY well, wink wink, nudge nudge.
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Hot Pho: FUCKING VEGGIE MONSTER GLUTEN FREE FUCKDONKEYS
Hot Pho: Bring back the Cookie Monster!!!
Torturelini: fucking vege monster gluten free fuckdonkeys is my Radiohead cover band
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Sassy Staci: BAM we love you too but only in the pound you and nipple pitching way
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Bam chases rein
reinstag hides behind chatbot.
chatbot valiantly protects reinstag from whatever evil is threatening. Whatever.
Ipikak the Inebriated: BAM IS EVIL
Bam: Evil?!?!?
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Torturelini: bbs
Torturelini logged off.
Bam: What Tort meant to say was BOOBS. , if you know what I mean.
MOTH: You heard it here first folks, Tort is a Big Black Stud.
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Sassy Staci: Looking hot bam…I’d do you 🙂
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Kotharno: Bam makes me sleep on the wet spot… is that mercy?
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Khurby: what is smart porn? is that like where you watch people do math naked or something?
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Torturelini: tell me a bedtime story
Bam: Once upon a time…
Bam: there was a small town girl…
Bam: living in a lonely world.
Bam: She took the midnight train going anywhere.
Bam: Also, there was a city boy…
Bam: born and raised in south Detroit.
Bam: He also took the midnight train going anaywhere.
Torturelini: are there robots in this story?
Bam: There was a singer in a smoky room that had the smell of wine and cheap perfume…
Bam: For a smile, they shared the night and it went on and on and on and on.
Bam: Then robots came and blew up the planet.
Bam: The End.
Torturelini: yay!
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sfwarlock: whee home from work and time to run adven-
sfwarlock: FUCK.
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Torturelini: tell me a story Muki
Mukiba: Once upon a time, there was a balloon that was so large, it couldn’t land anywhere in the world.
Mukiba: This balloon was a sad balloon because it couldn’t visit any of the wondrous places it had heard of.
Mukiba: For years and years it floated around the world hearing shouts and squeals of delight of the people below.
Mukiba: Then one day a radish hunter shot the balloon down, and it fell into the sea.
Mukiba: Then it was happy to visit the fish.
Mukiba: The end.
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Jebbie: plz don’t toughen my butt, Bam
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Kailen4: Ug. Halloween is such a fun time, but it takes FOREVER to try to fit razors into all these tiny candy bars. Doesn’t help that the damn things keep getting smaller every year.
AJHunter: protip: exacto blades
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Mukiba: You’re welcome in my pants any time, Tort. <3
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fantabulous: I want those balls in my mouth. So sad.
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fantabulous: I think everyone wants some of Ravengyre’s balls in their mouth right about now.
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Chadomancer: I was gonna post, but then I got high
Chadomancer: I was gonna make a joke about cinnamon toast, but then I got high
Chadomancer: and now I want some breakfast, and I know why
Chadomancer: because I got high, because I got high,because I got high,
Chadomancer: I was gonna get your heraldry form, but then i got high
Chadomancer: I was gonna make an avator like Torm, but then i got high
Chadomancer: And now your stuck with a hot pot, and i know why
Chadomancer: (hey hey)\
Chadomancer: because i was high, because I was high, because I was high
Chadomancer: I was gonna be nice to you, but then you got high
Chadomancer: I was gonna give my rice to you, but then you got high
Chadomancer: I was gonna not baleet you, but then thought “Why?”
Chadomancer: because you were high, because you were high, because bye-bye
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Tom Sawyer note to self
Tom Sawyer: do NOT sing sit on my face around my 6 year old daughter
Tom Sawyer: she sang back sit on my face and i will show you butt
Tom Sawyer: which annyed the wife unit
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Gmorg: ohhhhh Bam, Can i get crabs too?
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Torturelini: bam is hot
Torturelini: I’d fuck Bam
Torturelini: e-e-e-err, h-h-h-hug her *brr!*
Torturelini: yeah
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Cindipool: WARNING: This area contains breast talk.
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Van Diemens: We all love your boobs bam, you to gmorg 😛
Torturelini: I love Bam’s boobs too
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BraveSloth: Can your mouth take that much even with elastic vocal cords?
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MOTH: I hope to be a giant robot by the time I’m 60
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Marine: Fine porny but only because you have that delectable lemony scent that housewives swear by -hic-
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fantabulous: “I want to have a Paula Deen Breakfast Brunch Bump with you. That’s where I put a hamburger patty in you, a glazed donut over my penis, and we have sex from 10 am to 1 pm”
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Torturelini: Bam is best DJ
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DerektheRed picks it off picks it beyond picks it onto picks it behind picks it near picks it beyond
DerektheRed picks it up picks it up picks it up picks it up picks it up picks it up
DerektheRed: there we go
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Chadomancer: This is /radio. It’s ALWAYS an awkward moment.
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Cindipool: There are a lot of things I’d lick off genitals, so that’s not a particularly limiting qualifier for me.
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TechRat: bam’s not into anal, which is why she stopped fucking the asshole. 😀
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Jolson42: Ugh. There’s a moth drowning in my juice.
Jolson42: It doesn’t even have an impressive beard.
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Mod Announcement: Bam is the most wonderfulest, most awesome person on the intarwebs. That is all.
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Ipikak the Inebriated: The trick to cutting onions is not to get too attached to them.
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VagitarianVulva: Bam is…. hot! ’nuff said
AJedHeart: I’d have lesbian sex with Bam.
VagitarianVulva: i think everyone would have lesbian sex with Bam 😉
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amplitude: bam you’re hot.
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GrokTheMad: It sorts by hotness Lyxia, so you are always on teh top of my /who. I just need to figure out how to get you on top of my /what
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EyeSpeculum: I stand here, comfortable in my sexuality and say without hesitation “That is a beautiful cock”
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Raven of 9 wants to snuggle Bam’s boobs
Cindipool: We all do, Raven.
Cindipool: We all do.
YellowToast seconds that
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KoLA: Bam is teh hotness.
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Tom Paris: Ricket has no balls. He sold them to the devil to win a contest.
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TheOtherSpike: Please Bam, I’ll be good, don’t be happy at me.
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Torturelini: Bitch I’m fabulous!
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Lynore (on radio): If the kitten isn’t cute, you can always put it in the blender.
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[radio] Dyzzyah: I think I need someone to scare me, I have awful hiccups, and no sugar with which to de-hic myself…
[radio] Mod Warning: Dyzzyah has been banned from chat (forever)
[radio] Werebear: did that scare you? 🙂
[radio] Dyzzyah: holy [REDACTED], that worked.
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mr skullhead: That’s a fine lookin’ child, Bam.